Friday, December 31, 2010

New Year's Resolutions for Other People

Another tradition I had at was an annual column where I made New Year's Resolutions for other people since I was so bad at making them for myself. Since I still suck at it, I put together a list of resolutions for others because, dang it, I CARE. (That, and it makes up for the lack of blogging recently.)

To President Obama, I resolve you pick up a leadership training course and fast. Blaming Republicans for your failures (and there are many) isn't the sign of a great leader. It's the sign of a poor leader who can't or won't take responsibility for his/her actions and instead deflects blame to others as a means to protect his/her ego.

To Nancy Pelosi, I resolve you take a hard look at your performance as Speaker of the House. I know what you think you did, but what you did was to alienate people of your own party in an attempt to force through your agenda. As a result, your accomplishments were meager at best. Sure, you passed a version of health care reform, but it was a bill that will get challenged in court and possibly be deemed unconstitutional. And your lame excuses and stupid comments ("We have to pass the bill to know what's in it.") insults the intelligence of average Americans. But at least you got the menu changed in the House cafeteria.

To Harry Reid,I resolve you count your blessings. You dodged an electoral bullet this past November and by all accounts, you haven't earned your position as Senate Majority Leader, but you survived. The next time, you may not be so lucky. Not every Republican is Sharron Angle.

To John Boehner, I resolve you pay attention to the TEA Party movement and bring the Republican Party back to its small government roots. What has happened over the past two years isn't a fluke. It was the direct result of Republicans moving to the Left in ideology and spending. Ignore the TEA Party movement, and you'll find your tenure as Speaker of the House to be a short one.

To Sarah Palin, I resolve you learn to pick your battles. There are a lot of conservatives and Republicans who attack you, but you don't have to respond to them all. Take the time to judge the legitimacy of the charges and respond accordingly. If you know it's complete crap, laugh it off.

To Janet Napolitano, I resolve you learn to do your job. Since taking the job, you've shown an incredible lack of understanding of even the basic functions of the Department of Homeland Security. Seriously, sending DHS agents to the Gulf Coast to oversee the oil spill? More airport security regulations that make do nothing to help security? Not working on a way to secure our borders? Lady, you're a long way from competent.

To George Soros, I resolve you spend more of your money trying to take down Glenn Beck. That way you lose more money on a futile effort.

To the TEA Party movement, I resolve you stay true to your roots. Now is not the time to compromise with those who want to see your message diluted or distorted for political gains. Stay intellectually honest and stay on our politicians if their ideas run counter to yours.

To Lady Gaga, I resolve you let Madonna know you stole her shtick, circa 1990.

To Sean Hannity, I resolve you expand your horizons to pick up more than six basic talking points to repeat every day and to use other guests than your usual ten who you seem to have on every week for one reason or another. Seriously, you're boring and it's amazing someone else hasn't overtaken your position as second most listened to talk radio show in the country.

To America's enemies around the world, I resolve you remember we have an election coming up in 2 years, and if current trends continue, you won't have Obama helping you by being incompetent.

To America's allies around the world, I resolve you remember we have an election coming up in 2 years, and if current trends continue, you won't have to put up with Obama's incompetence for much longer. We apologize for the inconvenience.

To the manmade global warming cultists, I resolve you get up the courage to admit you were wrong and fudged data to try to hide it. Science isn't helped by your decades of dishonesty, and only after you come clean can you restore what shreds of credibility you have in the scientific community.

To my critics, I resolve you keep pointing out my flaws as you see them. Without you acting as a jeweler's cloth, I wouldn't be able to continue to improve my skills. Even your pointless criticism teaches me something, mainly that there are people out there who will complain about anything no matter how inconsequential.

And finally...

To my fans, friends, and family, I resolve you enjoy my humble musings next year and take me to task when you disagree. This blog is as much about you as it is about me. I enjoy bringing my perspective to you, and I am humbled when you offer feedback. Thank you.

Happy New Year, everybody!

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