Saturday, February 28, 2009

A Little Levity

With all the seriousness of the economic news these days, I thought I'd lighten the mood a bit.

Last week saw the passage and signing of President Barack Obama's stimulus package. Although there were some controversial items (like billions of dollars spent on the marsh mouse, whatever that is), some of the proposed spending was cut. Here are some expenditures that didn't make the cut, if you'll pardon the pun.

- $4.5 billion to fight boring soft rock radio stations
- $12.8 billion to figure out how we still know of Tito Jackson
- $8 billion to convert 8 track tapes to high definition 8 track tapes
- $10.2 billion to put smiles on the faces of the Presidents on Mt. Rushmore
- $5.3 billion to fight athlete's foot in Joe Biden's mouth from the times he's put his foot there
- $15 billion to clear the streets of mimes
- $2.4 billion to develop technology where you actually can turn your amps up to 11 because, like, it's one higher
- $5.8 billion to provide Secret Service protection for David Schwimmer
- $8.4 billion to study the effects of going to a Gallagher show, namely why people would want to go to a Gallagher show
- $56.8 billion to study the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow (Don't ask me whether it's African or European.)
- $4.2 billion to make a good version of "Gigli"
- $25 billion to build the Ted Nugent Wildlife Preserve and Hunting Grounds

And finally…

- $150 billion to ensure Christopher Walken gets more cowbell, baby

No comments: